Of not smoking! As you know if you have read my blog for some time that I had quit for about 18-mos and stupidly picked it back up again in a moment of severe stress. I had been smoking again for about a year a knew I had to quit again, but the medication I used before had new cardiovascular warnings and with a heart condition I knew it would not be wise to even suggest to my Dr. that I take it again. I had an electronic cigarette that I had bought when I was not smoking that I planned on using to keep the urge at bay with non-nicotine cartridges, but even the cartridges that contained nicotine and this brand did not do it for me. So in about August I bought another kit and messed around with it and different juices until I found a combination of hardware and juice that I could deal with for more than a couple drags. So I am now on day eight without a real cigarette! I cant tell you how proud I am of myself especially doing this in the midst of what has got to be the most stressful time I have ever experienced! I have a long term goal to get of this too completely, but one day at a time. It is certainly better than the alternative!

Not too much to report. I got my first call from the mortgage company way earlier than I was expecting though. The payment was not even considered late until the 15th of the month so imagine my surprise to receive a call on the evening of January 5th! It was quick, yet it seemed to go on forever. I was asked if I had forgotten to make my payment and my reply was no I hadn't forgotten, but had hired an attorney in this matter. There was a long pause at which time I offered the caller the contact information and stated all communication needed to go through the attorney. The caller took the information and that was that. I am rather surprised at how calm I was being that I was not expecting them to call before the payment was even late! I still wonder why they did call so early on. My husband thinks I set off some radar as we always paid earlier than the due date, but hey they also started charging $5.00 to make a payment online about two months ago, so they need to expect that there will be more people who chose to drop a check in the mail now and we cannot control the speed of delivery. I mean really online payments and the fees that are charged are the cost of business, so pass that on to customers and expect a backlash.


Anyway we are coming up on month two without a payment. I feel so weird living here without paying but I look at it as trying to recover some of the cost of things we did to our home out of pocket that we cannot take with us. New A/C unit (this house never had one so it was the cost to actually wire it and the unit) new heat pump, all new electrical and new line drop after a botched roof job send a piece of our aluminum porch into the power drop (that we paid for all of pocket again because our insurance claimed we didn't have a code addendum (something that was never offered by nor even know they had by our policy selling agent) new gas line for a dryer as the previous owners never owned a dryer. All new lighting fixtures every one in this home replaced, landscaping......etc all things that we cannot take with us that have benefited this house and the next owner. I figure the cost is about $25,000 or more out of pocket so if I can get get even 6 months of payments which will not even cover a bit of what we paid then so be it. I already lost my butt on this house badly, I need to get something back after losing it all and taking the massive credit hit that is to come.

I still continue to take it one day at a time and expect a letter of default soon. I just keep trucking along and try to keep my emotions in check, as that is what the banks want us to do to fold in on ourselves. I refuse. I will continue to look at this as a business choice until the day comes where it is all said and done and then I will allow myself to grieve for the loss of my house and the dreams I had for us/it. Ill say it again as kind of an affirmation to myself that we will survive, and we are definitely not the only ones who have made this choice or who will make this choice. I will not gauge my worth by useless numbers, nor will I allow myself to feel guilty. Sure I bought this house but I did not cause the mess this country is in. All I can do is make the choices that I need to be able to get back on my feet and live, not just survive.

This coming year will be one of many changes. Some good some bad as with all years, but I vow to make the most of all the blessings I am given, and to learn the most from all my mistakes. I will not let anyone define my worth with useless numbers nor with my material possessions or lack there of. I vow to make this a great year and to live the best I possibly can and to be grateful for all I have and don't have.

The next couple of week will be filled with stress as the date of our first missed house payment becomes a reality. I know that in the long run this is the best possible choice I can make for my family. I long to move and know that would not be a reality if we are stuck here with a home that yet again has dropped more in value, now to the tune of 85,000 under water. I can't wait to get to where ever we end up and to be able to start to rebuild my life and put this nightmare behind me. I am scared, very scared to miss this payment though I will not lie I just have never not paid a bill. I know this is going to be extremely stressful, but I also know that watching the homes in my neighborhood go into foreclosure and thus further drop my value further and further would be far more stressful to endure. I really could care less if I rent forever. Home ownership  has not been the American Dream that it is touted to be. This has been a nightmare and I cannot wait to awake from it. 

I wish all my readers a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year. Remember we always have a choice in life and even doing nothing is a choice. We only have one life to live so make it the best you can no matter what!

I love making homemade treats to share around Christmas! With all the rage on Cake Pops I thought I would give them this year with a twist. You see, I love the ease of cake pops and the fact that one box of cake mix and a tub of frosting go along way, but I didn't really want to do them with actual lollipop sticks for gift giving because then I would have to buy huge tubs to put them in. So I thought why not make them the same way but instead of using the sticks freeze them with toothpicks for easier coating then take the toothpick out and cover the little hole with a little more chocolate bark and add a special touch!

Now if you have never made cake pops let me tell you how easy they are in steps.

1. Bake any boxed cake mix that you love.

2. Let the cake cool from the oven completely and demolish it into cake crumbs. You can do this by hand which is how I do it, or you can easily throw it in the food processor.

3. Mix in frosting (any brand or flavor will do)  until you get all of it moistened, I find that takes about 3/4 of a tub of frosting.

4. Put the mix into the fridge until it is chilled/firm enough to work with.

5. Roll into balls. You can make them as big or as small as you like. You may have to return the mix to the fridge if it gets too sticky and warm to work with. I also flour my hands a bit to aid in the rolling.

6. Lay the balls on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper.

7.  Put the tray into the freezer until balls are firm enough to dunk into melted chocolate, I chose to leave them in the freezer overnight to be solid enough to dunk them all without having to return them to the freezer, also so that I do not have to worry about the toothpicks coming out mid dunk.

8. Dunk into your favorite flavor/color of chocolate bark.

Once the balls have set (literally seconds because of their chilled temp) you can remove the tooth pick and cover the missing area on top with a bit more bark and add whatever decoration you chose. For this year I found the most festive holly berries and leave sprinkles at the dollar store, so couple that with the white chocolate bark I used and they turned out so cool. This is an inexpensive way to give those on your list for goodies an inexpensive yet totally posh looking treat.

I cant tell you how excited I am that this semester at school is almost over or of the fact that this is my last math class(knock on wood). This math thing has taken over my life for an entire year, and with all that I have dealt with in regular life it has been very hard this semester to get it all to stick in my brain. I literally have three classes left woot woot. I have to take my last quiz tomorrow, then last regular test on Friday and my final next Wednesday. I can taste the end it is that close. I am so looking forward to next semester as well because I made the choice to take only one class that is going to teach me more about a passion of mine rather than a class that I am told I have to take. I will be taking a digital photography class! I love photography and enjoyed it so much in High School so I am looking forward to learning how to use my digital camera! I specifically got a nice Sony A230 last year so that I could have more flexibility with my photos, however I totally forgot all I knew about apertures and the like to really take advantage of all my cameras features. I love that I can use it in a ton of auto modes don't get me wrong but I want to learn (again) how to be in control of my shots. I have already added a nice yet inexpensive telephoto zoom lens and I am excited to try it out. I also know for a fact that I will be getting a set of filters and a fish eye lens for Christmas. Wee I feel like a little kid again so excited to play with my new toys! I am also excited to have the luxury of taking a semester all to myself. I wish I could say what I want to be when I grow up, but frankly I change my mind like the wind changes direction. I am determined not to be part of a problem, and seeing it first hand have totally sworn of Social Services now. There are actually a ton of options available to me even though I refuse to take anymore math, so I have time to think. This next semester is about me getting excited for school again and not dreading it. I cant want to be able to share all my shots here when they happen.

If you haven't noticed by many of my posts we are like many who bought homes right before the bubble burst. We literally closed on our home months before all hell broke loose and the housing market just imploded. I have been struggling for well over a year and a half with what it is that should be done. One day I said I would stay that it was my choice to buy so if I lost my ass it was my own fault. Well that is still true it is my own fault, however I do not have to stay and keep watching the negative equity in my home grow by the hour as more homes in my state, city, and neighborhood continue to be foreclosed upon. No! We will be walking away. While banks try to make homeowners feel like they are scum for doing this I refuse to feel this way. At first the morality issue bothered me and bothered me a lot, however the more I thought about how the "man" does business and the way they chose to cut their loses and walk away from bad business choices the more I realized we the "regular" people have the same right. It is not an issue of morals to me, I am still losing all the money I sunk into this house, I am loosing my outstanding credit rating. The bank will take a loss that can in turn be written off as a loss at the end of the year. I refuse to feel badly about my choice. I will not lose sleep over my situation any longer. I do not care if I have to rent for the rest of my life! I was supposed to be buying a piece of the American dream of home ownership, but instead it turned into a nightmare.

So now the hard part comes. That is deciding when to stop paying. This is the one thing that will be the hardest for me as I have never just not paid a bill, this is reflected in an credit score of over 800 that will more than likely drop to a low 600 when this is all said and done, but even that will not deter me. No, credit can be rebuilt and it will go back up as I have many other bills that will continue to be paid as scheduled. However, this mortgage is not one of them. I consulted a Lawyer last week to get all the questions I had answered. I knew everything except the fact that even though we are in a non-recourse state ( meaning the lender cannot come back at you with a judgment once they foreclose as they just take the loss) we still have to think about the tax liability. Because of this we need to make sure the process is completed by 12/31/12.With the average time line of foreclosure in Arizona being a minimum of 6-months, that means we have to start this soon just in case it takes longer. The last thing I want is to owe the IRS for ghost income that I have never seen, I have lost enough money with all this, and the way I see it when someone files for bankruptcy protection they do not have to pay back that money in taxes so why should homeowners who are foreclosed on?

The choice was made over a long time, as a matter of fact it took a long time to get my husband to see where I was coming from. However the home is only in my name so that makes it easier in the long run as we still have his credit to fall back on until mine clears. The choice was made when we realized just how bad this state is in terms of everything from education to mental health and both of those are in play with my daughter. So with his job we can transfer to another state that has more available to help her. We didn't want to be stuck here for no other reason than a house, so the choice was made.

I will be kind of chronicling my story on my blog as it happens. I know there are a ton of people in my situation and I want to help. If that means airing my dirty laundry than so be it. We do not have to lie down and take it. We do not have to feel like second class citizens! We will all pay in one sense or another for our choices in life, so I made a bad one I will not allow it or any other choice I have made in my past to dictate my future. I will survive. Now if you have read all the way to the end of this and you are in the same spot feel free to leave me a comment. Also if you need support trust me it is out there a great site to start at is Loansafe I have found so much information there and it will help ease your mind.

Well color me skeptical! This is a subject that is really near to my heart as you can tell by posts on the subject before on my blog. So now President Obama is pushing for measures to make help available to more than the original plan did. Well let me tell you the first housing plan was a failure and these "new measures" will be as well. Why? Well folks it doesn't matter what is put on paper as long as the banks who hold the notes are the ones who make the CHOICE to participate those who need help will not get it! How many people do you know that actually were approved for loan modifications or refinance under the previous guidelines? Me umm two maybe and they both lied to be approved, how that is possible I have no clue but it is fact. Me on the other hand couldn't qualify even though I had given up my entire salary to stay home (it was a wash with childcare for two) because our household income was still too high, and forget refi when you are over 125% LTV ratio. That was about two years ago lord knows how up-side-down we are now! We want nothing more than to be able to get in on low interest rates! We are not looking to be bailed out, just refinancing would make us feet better about the hole we are in. So now these new measures will allow us to do this with no cap on the loan to value ratio,and we have a Fannie Mae loan BUT, and here is the big but that has stopped everyone I know from getting help....the servicer. Yeah you know the banks that want endless paperwork then lose it, then say you never got it to them on time. So you re-submit and the same thing happens, or you get it in and never hear back or are turned down for what ever reason and that's only if you are lucky enough to have a servicer who is participating because you know they all aren't as they are not mandated to participate.

JOKE! you know what you need to extend Mr. Obama, The Mortgage Forgiveness Act of 2007. Yep that's right sir that needs to be extended. Because this housing plan is helping so few the fact of the matter is most who are underwater will still need to walk away before they can get out. I myself may have to go there. I have a husband who can be transferred to another state at any time for his employment. The simple math means that because my house is so severely underwater (not by any fault of my own) that I would have to walk away in foreclosure. I could not even rent my home for enough to cover the mortgage and I nor anyone I know can afford to maintain two homes in two different states on even a decent income. So Mr. President you want to help? Please extend the above so that when/if I am faced with the heartbreaking finality of losing my home to foreclosure after making payments every month on time for years and not because I bought too much house for my income then, I can sleep at night and try to put my life back on track without owing the IRS on "ghost income" for the difference in what I owed on my home and what it eventually sells for which would be a fraction of its purchase price by myself. If you want to help make that happen sir because ton of shit can happen in a matter of a few years that can/will cause us down and out buyers into leaving our homes and with the rate of decline and non-growth in the housing market even if that were to happen five years from now I can guarantee you we will still be underwater and what a shame to have to be committed to the IRS' debtors prison for years because we had no choice but to leave our homes and not only didn't see a dime, but lost our ass on years or payments, down payments, updates that we had to make on our homes to be livable. This sir is only scheduled to run until the end of 2012. I can tell you sir that this problem will far outlast that date.