Yep I am that kind of Mom!
Tuesday, November 03, 2009 | 
Posted by
Lisa P@www.isitmondayalready.com
Today I showed up at my daughters school for no other reason then to make a point and possibly embarrass her!
Let me give you a brief run down first so you understand where I am coming from.
My daughter is 10 soon as in less then a month to 11. She has the attitude of a full fledged rebellious teenager. Granted a ton of her issue come from severe abandonment of her father, this does not give her the right to make my life a living hell, nor does it grant her immunity for her actions!
She knows the difference between right and wrong however she chooses to make the wrong choices and I threaten, preach until I'm blue in the face, punish and yet she will still do it.
I seriously don't know how I will survive the next 7 years that I have to legally take care of her. Oh yeah you heard me if that kid cant get her act together she can leave on her 18Th birthday because then my legal obligation ceases. I understand that she will always be my child, yeah yeah I get it but then again the people saying that must have the kind of kids I dream of you know well behaved, respectful etc.
The thing that really chaps my hide is she is already grounded for throwing rocks at a house and lying about it. She can only read in her room, no TV, video games, computer, cell phone gone. I mean really why would you want to add more time on?
Okay so that wasn't such a brief rundown sorry hahah. Anyway for today. She has already been caught by her teacher smuggling clothing to school and changing before and after school. The last time was about 2 months ago and the skirt she smuggled was way too small. I had taken it away a few times but I hate to throw out use able clothing. I would rather donate it, but wait until I have enough.
She took it again and wore it at school then changed Right before the bell. Her teacher confiscated it and gave it to me later that day at teacher conference. She was punished and all was OK until the rock throwing.
My mom bought her an outfit while hubby and I were out of town. I wish she wouldn't have as she has a closet full that she chooses not to wear after they are purchased and says she likes them. I don't know what her issue is but she fixates on one or two pieces and she will attempt to wear those pieces almost everyday washed or not! I noticed the jeans my mom bought get worn twice last week and told her to stop!
Today was laundry day and they were no where to be found. I thought hmm the hell with this I'm heading to her school. If I wanted and found them in her backpack she could try and deny wearing them, but you cant deny what I see! I had the office call her up and sure as shit she had on the jeans which was not what she had on when she left the house!
I made her go back to class grab her back pack and change giving me her jeans. She answered calmly and did what she was told but you could tell #1 she was embarrassed (score me) and #2 that she was scared as she got busted! I told her I was coming home to cut them up!
I will be hiding them and checking her bag daily. Now I know I was a handful in high school but man never ever ever was I like this at her age! I never snuck clothing or makeup or anything to school!
I cant stand how she lies, how sneaky she is. I am tired of feeling like a failure of parent, like everyday is a battle that I cant win. Ill tell ya what I may not win but neither will you kid I will fight with all I have and if nothing Else you will feel the shame of being caught. You have everything you need and its time you start appreciating it.
Its not my fault that your dad is a loser who gave up his rights, but damn be thankful you still have us because if you keep it up you will have nothing! Yes she has been to counseling for almost a year, she was discharged as they did what they could.
Let me give you a brief run down first so you understand where I am coming from.
My daughter is 10 soon as in less then a month to 11. She has the attitude of a full fledged rebellious teenager. Granted a ton of her issue come from severe abandonment of her father, this does not give her the right to make my life a living hell, nor does it grant her immunity for her actions!
She knows the difference between right and wrong however she chooses to make the wrong choices and I threaten, preach until I'm blue in the face, punish and yet she will still do it.
I seriously don't know how I will survive the next 7 years that I have to legally take care of her. Oh yeah you heard me if that kid cant get her act together she can leave on her 18Th birthday because then my legal obligation ceases. I understand that she will always be my child, yeah yeah I get it but then again the people saying that must have the kind of kids I dream of you know well behaved, respectful etc.
The thing that really chaps my hide is she is already grounded for throwing rocks at a house and lying about it. She can only read in her room, no TV, video games, computer, cell phone gone. I mean really why would you want to add more time on?
Okay so that wasn't such a brief rundown sorry hahah. Anyway for today. She has already been caught by her teacher smuggling clothing to school and changing before and after school. The last time was about 2 months ago and the skirt she smuggled was way too small. I had taken it away a few times but I hate to throw out use able clothing. I would rather donate it, but wait until I have enough.
She took it again and wore it at school then changed Right before the bell. Her teacher confiscated it and gave it to me later that day at teacher conference. She was punished and all was OK until the rock throwing.
My mom bought her an outfit while hubby and I were out of town. I wish she wouldn't have as she has a closet full that she chooses not to wear after they are purchased and says she likes them. I don't know what her issue is but she fixates on one or two pieces and she will attempt to wear those pieces almost everyday washed or not! I noticed the jeans my mom bought get worn twice last week and told her to stop!
Today was laundry day and they were no where to be found. I thought hmm the hell with this I'm heading to her school. If I wanted and found them in her backpack she could try and deny wearing them, but you cant deny what I see! I had the office call her up and sure as shit she had on the jeans which was not what she had on when she left the house!
I made her go back to class grab her back pack and change giving me her jeans. She answered calmly and did what she was told but you could tell #1 she was embarrassed (score me) and #2 that she was scared as she got busted! I told her I was coming home to cut them up!
I will be hiding them and checking her bag daily. Now I know I was a handful in high school but man never ever ever was I like this at her age! I never snuck clothing or makeup or anything to school!
I cant stand how she lies, how sneaky she is. I am tired of feeling like a failure of parent, like everyday is a battle that I cant win. Ill tell ya what I may not win but neither will you kid I will fight with all I have and if nothing Else you will feel the shame of being caught. You have everything you need and its time you start appreciating it.
Its not my fault that your dad is a loser who gave up his rights, but damn be thankful you still have us because if you keep it up you will have nothing! Yes she has been to counseling for almost a year, she was discharged as they did what they could.
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19 comments:
First of all, you are NOT a failure as a parent. By doing what you did you are showing that you do care and love her! This is yet another reason I wish all schools would go to a strict dress code and/or uniforms.
My oldest turned 11 just yesterday and I although I am not battling the clothing issue, I am battling the smart mouth, attitude, eye rolling, hateful, slamming doors issue.
I am about to blow a gasket.
in 10, 9, 8 . . . .
I dread the teenage years. DREAD THEM!
((hugs))
Oh my, this scares me to death! My daughter is only six, so things are pretty tame around here so far. Let's just say I'm not looking forward to her "growing up" AT ALL. Good luck!
My son just turned 10 and he has started to be sneaky about things. I do NOT like it. I can't stand sneakiness and tell him that all the time.
I had a problem child and what drives you crazy is how often people don't have a clue what you are going through. They think that you should be able to control them but if someone has made up their mind to defy you at every turn there isn't a lot you can do about it.
My son is grown and out of the house now and all I can say is I didn't realize how tense i was from expecting another confrontation every day until he was gone.
Just hand in there. You are trying to be the best parent you can be and that is ALL you can do.
First off you are not a failure as a parent. I have been going through the same thing for the last 4 years with my now 15 year old daughter. To tell you the truth she got kicked out of school. She sits at home all day , well okay sleeps all day and stays up all night. I refuse to ask her to do anything for me , cause it always ends in a fight. I fought tooth and nail for this kid and honestly I'm done. At the age of 16 here she can move out and so as she wants. My girl needs to learn the hard way. I love her to death but I hate the person she has become.
If I can give you any advice , I would have to say you have to find a way to nip it in the butt now. If you don't it only gets worse. If you need to talk I'm here , I have been right there where you are now !
Sorry I goofed on my email address:
I agree with what everyone else said...you are NOT a failure!
Second my 10 year old does the same things (except for the clothes hasn't went down that road yet). She lies, throws horrible fits worthy of the police being called, tried to destroy my house when she is mad, and talks to me like no mother should be talked to. My daughter has the same issue with her father (he's never been in her life and has tried numerous times to sign away his rights) and I know that is where most of her issues lie.
I have done everything in my power to help her, talking to her, spending more time with her, counseling and all to no avail.
I DO know exactly what you are going through and if you ever (even in the middle of the night) need someone to talk to I am here! My email is: a_proffitt79(at)yahoo(dot)com and I am always on Facebook!
I hope things get better for you and your daughter soon!
(((HUGS))) We've done counseling with our son for 4 years. I stopped the counseling because we weren't seeing any improvement, and they were regurgitating the same things at us over and over again. My son is 8 and I feel like you do some days. There's even a military school up the road I've considered in my most desperate moments.
I would have done the same thing. My daughter is not pulling that shit with me, no way.
You need to search her room, her bags, her diary (If she has one)...everything. There may be more going on than you think.
And find another, more competent therapist. The last one was obviously useless. She needs someone who won't be snowed by her bull.
Seriously, let her know that you are there and you see all. Make sure she knows this well.
You are not a failure. A failure would do nothing. You are showing your daughter you love her by being present in her life and loving her enough to give her rules and boundaries.
Two words -
GO YOU!
We had the same problem a few years ago, with my oldest daughter wearing dirty clothes to school, and I got a call from the principal asking me if we needed help buying the kids clothes or with utilities or anything. We didn't, it was just her being a pain in the butt, and I was humiliated so now I'm really strict on clothing!
Well, a couple of weeks ago her favorite pants were dirty but she wore them anyway so I for punishment I made her write down what she was wearing every morning before school and checked her backpack... for two weeks.
I also told her that the next time I would start picking out her clothes for her every day... and it wouldn't be pretty lol.
You are absolutely not a failure as a parent. I am going through so much with my four year old right now that I told my husband the other night, I may not make it until she is 10.
Good for you for being the kind of parent she needs.
My daughter is 6 and I am already dreading it. We don't call her DQ for nothing. My son (14) has been a breeze so far (knock on wood) . But I know I am doing to have my hands with the princess.
Hang in there and hopefully it will all sink in.
You're being consistent with your rules and that is a hugely good thing.
It's a tough time for kids and you're probably right that it's accelerated due to the loss of her natural father.
Hang in there. I feel for you.
Thanks so much guys! I have tried more then one therapist its not them its her. She will clam up and not say crap and I will not pay for that. I have tried over and over it burns my butt that my city doesnt have an early intervention program nope they will wait till they are in the system! Some days are better then others but I really really wish it wasnt always a battle some nights I want nothing more then a bottle of wine and bed!
Oh and Kathy you are so right, some times I feel like a scolded child because you feel as though the world is coming down on you. If they defy you there is nothing more you can do but try or drop them off some where and I havent found that some where yet hahah
I am so sorry but I will also add you are not a failure.
My sister is battling crap with a son and she's tried to get him into some type of rehab or something and they say if it's not court ordered they will let him walk out. WTF he said he will be okay IF she lets him smoke pot and stay out as late as he wants.
She's scared to death his actions will make her libel for whatever damage he does he's been kicked out of every school in the area and still they say tough crap, deal, and won't help her. It's crazy.
I feel for you, I really do, I know she's praying to make it through the next 2+ years without serious harm to anyone.
Her other kids do not do things like this it is definitely something in HIM not how he was raised.
Do not take that on yourself. Just do whatever you have to do to get through as best you can.
I wish I could help, sorry, but I am a pretty good listener.
I haven't read the other comments, so I'm not sure what's already been said but being a single mom to two girls, I wonder if you've considered counseling, for her, for you and for both you? Counseling did a world of wonders for us.
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